Opinion: Breaking the Silence of Suicide
Editors Note: Brad Shott and Brooke N. Miller are long time friends of Century News Columnist Alice Adams and submitted this article related to this week’s Drippin’ Life subject matter. “Brad Shott is usually not a writer or usually outspoken man, so I was a little surprised when I received this from him. But he said it was something he felt very strongly about and asked if we could include it in this week’s Century News,” Adams said.
As funeral directors for almost 25 years, we have had front row seats to a tremendous amount of tragedy, agonizing heartbreak and hurt to families -- moms and dads, husbands and wives, sons and daughters, brothers and sisters and other close family members and friends. We could tell you story after story of horrible things countless families have had to endure, see and go through. Today, we want to talk about something that no one wants to talk about. When it happens, very little is usually said….and it is the absolute worst thing for any family to endure. What we speak of is suicide. Approximately 45,000 Americans die each year from suicide. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. For every suicide, 25 have already been attempted. These numbers are staggering. In addition, 22 veterans commit suicide every day. The suicide rate among first responders is on the rise as well. Most recently, one of our friends lost her son-in-law. He left behind a wife and two small children. Just as tragically, Designer Kate Spade recently took her own life and then just a few days later, Chef Anthony Bourdain ended his. It is our hope and prayer someone will read this who has been thinking of taking their life and because they read this article, they pause and choose to seek help instead of doing this heartbreaking act. To anyone thinking of taking your own life: We’re the people who see your family after you commit suicide. We’re the ones who see the look in their eyes and the looks on their faces, that as long as we live, we can never forget. We cannot put into words the hurt they feel from losing you. We’re unable to describe the pain and tremendous loss this causes your family, a loss they will feel forever. But we can tell you this: if you were able to stand by us and see your family’s hurt, the look in their eyes, and you were to be able to hear their cries of anguish, we promise you, you would never ever do this devastating act. You would immediately seek help and do everything possible to prevent this from happening -- and you would definitely run to your family and tell them how much you love them. We know you hurt. We know you need help, but you might not know where or who to turn to. Please believe, that help is here! Help is out there! We promise you it is. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. There are people who care and love you, please know this. Other than your relationship with God, family is the most important thing in your life, and if you don’t have family, you have a close friend you might consider as family. You have people in your life who love you and would do anything for you, even if you don’t think you do. For those who take their own life, they hand their family a life sentence of sorrow, guilt and deep hurt that they can never recover from. Every birthday, yours and theirs, are forever ruined. Christmas, Thanksgiving and holidays also all ruined. Every single day, they get up and guess what they think of when the sun rises? You! When they close their eyes at night and try to sleep, they lie awake. Trying to figure out what they did wrong and what they could have done different to prevent you from thinking suicide was your only answer to the problems in your life. You are loved! God loves you most and eagerly wants to help you. (Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near the broken-hearted; He delivers those who are discouraged.”) Your family and friends love you and would do anything to prevent coming to your funeral service, under these circumstances. If you have read this far, thank you – and we encourage you – please go to someone and talk to them. Share how you feel. There are many people who would love to help you. Please don’t feel ashamed of needing help. Everyone, including me, has needed help at some point in our lives. It doesn’t make you weak or a coward, it shows your strength to stand up to the depression, pain and bad thoughts you have going through your mind. Fight back! Your family and friends who love you, need you to “Fight Back!” And if you cannot find anyone to talk to, you can always come to the funeral home or call anonymously, and we promise you, we will be happy to talk with you and listen and pray with you. (972-923-2700) Sometimes talking to a stranger makes it easier to express how you really feel without fear of judgment or having to tell other family members or friends. Whatever is going on in your life that is causing you to have thoughts of taking your own life, we assure you, this can all be worked out. Please do not make this a permanent solution to a temporary problem. (Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”) This article is dedicated to the Mother of Tanya, who in 1995 killed herself at her parents’ home. After we arrived at 3:00 a.m. to remove her body, her mom cried and cried, saying, “She was my baby, my only child,” over and over. We dedicate this article to the young wife with her 2 little girls under the age of 10, sitting at the graveside under the tent after everyone had left. They were sitting on the front row of seats, looking at the casket of her husband and her children’s father. One of the little girls looked over at her mom and said, “Mommy, what are we going to do now?” We also dedicate this article to the little boy, whose mother committed suicide. When this 8-year-old arrived at the funeral home to view his mother’s body, his agonizing screams and cries -- “I want my Momma, I want my Momma!” – still echo to this day. Lastly, this article is dedicated to the mom who stopped the cot we were wheeling out of her son’s bedroom, who laid her head on the cot cover and cried out, “I just didn’t know, I just didn’t know you were hurting! I am so sorry!” The truth is, no one wants to commit suicide. They just want the pain to stop…and the first step for you is to put everything on hold and find someone to talk to! If you want the pain to stop, seek help. Please do not give your family a life sentence of sorrow and heartbreak. For immediate assistance, you may call 800-273-TALK – The National Suicide Prevention Hotline, or you can also go to https://suicidepreventionlifeline.orgTalk to your family or friends. They would do anything to help you if only they knew. Talk to God, your pastor, with whoever you feel comfortable with, so you don’t become another statistic. Help is out there. Please know you are loved…and you are not alone!
-Bradley R. Shotts -Brooke N. Miller
Directors
About the Authors Brad and Brooke are Funeral Directors and licensed embalmers at Wayne Boze Funeral Home, 1826 W. Hwy 287 Business, Waxahachie, Texas.