Grandparenting is an art
As the birth of our first grandchild approached, I remember not appreciating friends who made the comment, “The great difference between kids and grandkids is you can get rid of grandkids at the end of the day.”
That view of grandparenting was made more disturbing when our first grandchild began to leave the baby stage -- even before potty training concluded -- because, like my sons, every stage of our grandchildren’s lives was truly an exciting adventure. In all honesty, l have loved every minute of every stage, up to and beyond my granddaughter’s beautiful wedding last month.
I will say, we were fortunate early in our new roles as grandparents because my son and his wife shared our belief in the importance of their children having a relationship with their grandparents…not in an exploitative way -- like built-in babysitters -- but making sure we spent time, on our own, with our granddarlings and as a family, when we all got together for events and activities, like day trips to Sea World, overnights in downtown Houston or museum crawls through Austin.
These shared adventures, as we called them, might have been as mundane as going to the grocery store, where we used activities, such as learning to pick out the perfectly ripened produce and allowing them to select a small number of items they wanted to eat. Then, as they learned reading and math, we learned to be selective about ingredients listed on the labels, how to compare prices, and a little couponing from time to time.
Many of our adventures were low-cost, like trips to the park, backyard picnics, scavenger hunts in nature around our neighborhood and trips to the library. Periodically, we visited art exhibits and other museums and places of interest around our city. We went to concerts in the park, parades and volunteered for projects that included kids and attended parades.
As they grew older -- when they were able to be comfortable in unfamiliar environments -- we went to the ballet, Mariachi Pachangas, Broadway productions at The Bass, theatre in the round and, of course, a movie now and then. Each was a learning experience, but we didn’t want it to be just a matter of being there, so we developed a tradition of stopping in our favorite coffee shop -- Jo’s -- for a cold drink or hot chocolate afterwards so we could talk about what we had just experienced.
Now, there are some grandparents who take grandchildren to see the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York City, spend spring break at Disney or plan shopping trips on Rodeo Drive. Lucky kids! But our approach was to see Texas first by going RVing, taking road trips, learning about our heritage in person and seeing, first hand, places like the Alamo, San Jacinto Battlefield, old forts around West Texas and staying at San Antonio’s Menger Hotel, where Teddy Roosevelt recruited Texas cowboys to join his Roughriders.
I suppose the “art” I mentioned at the top of this column really doesn’t take much preparation. In fact, anyone can do it, because the “art” part -- which makes up about 50 percent of grandparenting -- is simply making every time you’re together count. By “count,” I mean making a memory.
On long walks, we looked for clouds that were shaped in recognizable objects. Seeing a rainbow was like hitting the jackpot because we tried to see as many colors as we could, so we reproduce them when we returned home with crayons or colored pencils on white paper.
The great part of hanging out with grand darlings, though, is that everything is exciting to most youngsters…or should I say, anything is as exciting as you make it. Maybe it’s telling a story about the first time you saw a rainbow, or you can make it more scientific by looking up how rainbows happen. Or, you could talk about the myth of the good luck rainbows bring or the Leprechauns’ pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
One more thing: there is no right or wrong about how you go about grandparenting. Remember, the art of the relationship is 50 percent of your time together…and as you might guess, the other 50 percent is unconditional love… even saying, “I love you so much!” several times each visit.
Of course, we hit some speedbumps with our perfect, smart, talented and lovely grand darlings. But even when a time-out or disciplinary conversations were necessary, they were always done consistently with love. That’s the magic but it’s also the easiest part of grandparenting. Trust me. It’s taken me more than two decades to finally figure out how it all works.
Now, half of my ‘darlings are adults and starting their own lives, I can’t wait to become a great-grandmother -- and believe me, I’ll be doing my best, not to be a great-grandmother but to be -- like the late Mohammed Ali -- “the Greatest” greatgrandma!