Dripping Life

I don’t know about you, but this summer has been a whirlwind. My children and their children, in and out. Fun trips, camps, ballet school, business trips. It’s been like, as some say, continually re-arranging deck-chairs (hopefully NOT on the Titanic!)

We are usually a family of seven -- mom, dad, four kids and a grandma. Our dinner table requires a supplemental piece to expand the table top --and if we have guests, we have another piece we can add.

Until yesterday, my eldest granddaughter and her fiancée were here. According to plan, they moved furniture into their apartment in Conroe, close to her employment as a first-grade teacher in the little town of New Waverly. Her husband-to-be works remotely and will live in the apartment while my granddaughter lives with friends in Huntsville. They will marry in mid-September.

My eldest grandson will leave soon, too, going back to Texas A&M to welcome “Fish” into the Corps. His little brother is currently attending tennis camp.

Tonight, there were two empty chairs at the dinner table. Soon, there will be three.

But, I am torn. As a former school marm, I am always excited when my grandchildren have a chance to learn and grow, whether at a dance intensive, a summer camp or college. However, I seem to be having a problem with the empty chairs at our dinner table.

Can I be suffering from the “empty-nest syndrome,” even though I’ve already been through it once with my own children? Even though two of my grandchildren are still at home?

So, what exactly is “empty nest syndrome?”

First introduced by writer Dorothy Canfield in 1914, the concept of “empty nest syndrome” was clinically identified, described and popularized in the 1970s as a group of symptoms including depression, loneliness, and sadness found especially among mothers whose last child had recently moved out of the family home.

Empty nest syndrome, naturally, affects both parents, but mothers seem to be most susceptible… mainly because it is usually the mother who has dedicated 20 years or more of their lives to bringing up their children, and see motherhood as their primary role. This is true even for most working mothers.

Once the last child moves out, the mother may feel that her most important job is finished. With her main responsibility or responsibilities out of their own, the mother may feel worthless, disoriented and unsure of what meaning her future may hold. However, most mothers adapt in time.

Psychologists suggest that it may take between 18 months and two years to make the successful transition from full time ‘mom’ to independent woman.

There have been TV sitcoms -- one named “Empty Nest” -- movies and plays written about empty nesters, and countless articles and books to advise parents on how to prepare for and deal with the supposedly inevitable sadness they will feel when their children grow up and move away.

As we near the beginning of a new semester on college campuses across the country, I am sure many parents are at least thinking about that empty chair at the table as sons and/or daughters go away to college, join the military or begin their first careers.

So, my situation may be similar to parents waving goodbye as the first child leaves the nest. You see, my husband and I built a house a half-block away from our son and his wife on the possibility they would have children and we could be “hands-on grandparents.”

We became part of the village that helped rear all four of our grandkids. It was a role we wanted and chose to play, from babysitting while their mom and dad had a rare night out to subbing in when mom and dad were unable to take them to school, dance, drum, fencing lessons or sports practices.

We were honored to attend school programs, recitals and basketball or soccer games, and blessed to attend each child’s baptism.

We were at the hospital for operations and recoveries as well as for holidays, their birthdays and graduations.

No, I wasn’t their plus-one mom, but each child is my heart and, of course, I miss them, even when they’re away for retreat weekends.

Our family is closeknit. After my husband passed away, they invited me into their home as a permanent resident and I accepted, making us even closer…so I will notice my granddaughter’s empty chair as she embarks on her career and then her marriage, and I will miss her. I’ll also see my grandson’s empty chair while he’s away at college and miss him, too, but my heart is filled with excitement and anticipation for their opportunities and achievements in the future.

Bottom line, I think making this transition is still going to be difficult, mainly because I’m so proud of these kids and their younger brother and sister. While they are all individuals, they are also kind, caring, hard-working and selfless. They do well academically, are motivated young Christian men and women and – most of all, they love their grandmother.