Dripping Life

Before you read this week’s humble offering, please know – this is not a statement on anything as controversial as political ideology, critical race theory or even your picks for this year’s Oscars. Conversations regarding what has become “The Slap” have gone on, ad nauseam…and perhaps these conversations were needed and necessary. But this column is written for all of us to think about “the human condition.” No hidden agendas. No political or racist undertones.

So, here’s the thing:

This past week, if you were sleeping, you might have heard comedian Chris Rock, at The Oscars, told a joke at the expense of Jada Pickett Smith, who has a condition known as alopecia areata, or in plain English, her hair is falling out. Her husband, Will Smith, in a protective spousal mode, calmly walked onto the stage and slapped the comedian, Chris Rock.

Like many viewers, the audience reaction was mixed. Some sat in stunned silence. Some laughed because they thought this was some planned schtick. Others clapped at Will Smith’s gallant revenge on his wife’s account…and still other egged on the two men with cheers because our culture, as it is painful to admit, appreciates violent disruption, especially when it goes against “the establishment norms.

Think back a few months. In a neighboring zip code, a father – attending a back-to-school night – interrupted a teacher’s presentation to a group of her students’ parents and ripped off her mask. His reasoning for this bizarre behavior? He couldn’t understand the teacher because of the mask.

Masks were also the reason parents attending a school district meeting in our own zip code used the device of shouting down speakers…and while it wasn’t violent, this disruption achieved very little.

Looking to history – and specifically, presidential State of the Union addresses. Disruptions by personal reactions are growing more common. Non-verbal reactions like shaking one’s head in disagreement have happened. So have instances when lawmakers (their party doesn’t matter) actually shouted out their opinions.

So, if decorum has been eschewed in the halls of power, in both public forums and hearing rooms, why should we be surprised when indecorous behavior rears its ugly attitude of impropriety and undeniably poor taste? Like “The Slap.” Like ripping a teacher’s mask off? Like shouting down a speaker.

From all indications, our society has landed, smack dab, in the middle of this cesspool of disrespect and disregard of someone’s personal space, office or mission because we don’t agree or simply don’t like them.

Now, if that’s regrettable – whether on The Oscar or C-SPAN or even in public, what’s even worse is the message this disrespectful disruption sends…particularly to our children. No, it is not okay for our kids to see adults behaving disrespectfully….and it is not okay to call high-visibility persons in our society disparaging names.

There’s a reason for censoring what our kids see us doing: Because they learn and mimic what they see us do, how we behave. If mommy calls somebody on TV a not-so-nice name, mommy should expect to hear it again from her child – maybe when grandparents are over for dinner, or it could be in a comment or a phone call from a school or Sunday School teacher. Kids see everything and they repeat everything. If it’s okay for mommy to say it, it’s okay for me to say it. NO, IT’S NOT OKAY.

I have been entrusted with some of my family’s keepsakes. One is my father’s third-grade report card. One of the areas he received grades in was “comportment.” He was a good student, and his comportment grades were all A’s. During my school years, “comportment” was changed to “citizenship.” I earned all A’s, too.

I don’t know if today’s students are graded in these subjects or not. If citizenship is graded, I'm hoping students know how being a good citizen impacts education. However, it appears we're standing at a precipice. Either we begin treating each other with common courtesy, respect and dignity – and make it an important part of the educational process for our children or we will all continue to muck around in the detritus of disrespect, disruption and, perhaps, elevating our disregard for others into violence as we sink deeper into this toxic sludge of what has become our common behaviors. (How many mass shootings did we read about this past weekend?)

The choices are obvious… and important enough for some serious thought.

One more thing: About Jada's alopecia – when the term "crowning glory" was used as another term for a woman's hair, it was a truth. Some years ago, "Locks of Love" was a popular way for girls – and some boys – to grow their hair long, then have it cut and sent to Locks of Love so human hair wigs could be made. Early on, word got out that these wigs were for cancer patients. However, when Locks of Love originated, the wigs were for kids with alopecia who couldn't afford a wig to cover their permanent baldness.

Today, Locks of Love’s mission statement is as follows:

“Locks of Love is devoted to helping every child suffering from medical hair loss, thus we do not discriminate as to the cause of hair loss. We list the following information in an attempt to explain types of hair loss and specific needs of individual recipients.

“Our recipients are financially disadvantaged children, age 21 and under, suffering from long-term medical hair loss from any diagnosis. Most of our children suffer from an autoimmune disorder called alopecia areata, which causes the hair follicles to shut down. In addition to the loss of scalp hair, many also lose their eyelashes, eyebrows and all body hair. This hair loss is permanent in most cases, and there is no known cause or cure.

Other recipients are cancer survivors, have been victim to severe burns or suffer from any number of dermatological conditions that cause permanent hair loss.”