Matters of the heart?
Drippin’ Life
First, in defense of my sanity, let me give you a few statistics about love – and looking for it – in America…and you may be surprised.
In 2017, single adults outnumbered those who were married in the U.S. One in 7 Americans lives alone – about 31 million compared with 4 million in 1950.
In 1950, married couples represented 78 percent of households in the United States. In 2011, the US Census Bureau reported, that percentage had dropped to 48 percent. In 2014, the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that 124.6 million Americans, 16 years and older, were single -- 50.2 percent of the population, compared with 37.4 percent of the population in 1976.
In 2005, when Pew Research Center first polled the activity, few Americans had online dating experience. Today, nearly half of the public knows someone who uses online dating or who has met a spouse or partner via online dating, so we can assume attitudes toward online dating have grown progressively more positive.
• Of those yet to try online dating, 50 percent describe themselves as private people, 48 percent say they’re worried about their information security and 46 percent worry about scams.
• Online dating among 55-to 64-year-olds has also risen substantially since the last Pew Research Center survey on the topic in 2005.
• Today, 12 percent of 55- to 64-year-olds report using an online dating site or mobile dating app versus only 6 percent in 2013.
• 44 percent of online daters who experienced success said their use of online dating led to marriages or serious longterm relationships.
• Men and women both send unsolicited sexts (sexy or nude text photos) in equal amounts, which is 50 percent for each.
• Two-thirds of online daters – 66 percent – tell us they have gone on a date with someone they met through a dating site. In 2005, that number was 43 percent.
• In 2017, revenue is expected to be over $3 billion for U.S. online dating companies. The annual growth rate of the number of subscribers from 2012 to 2017 is 5.3 percent.
• There are 6,747 companies in the dating business who employee 9,592 people in the United States.
• It is estimated Match Groups’ market share (includes Match.com, Tindr, OkCupid, POF, etc.) to be 25.7 percent. In second place is eHarmony with 12 percent.
For the sake of my journalistic curiosity, I decided to see what senior online dating was all about.
A disclaimer on this-- I had -- and still have – no desire to meet someone online at this point in my life. Call me old fashioned, but….
To prepare for my experiment, I found out the top five senior dating sites, closed my eyes and pointed to one. (The top five sites include
Match.com, eHarmony.com, Howaboutwe.com (sponsored by AARP), Our time.com, OKCupid.com) Prices range from $12/mo to $60/mo.
On the site I chose, I was asked to fill out a questionnaire – my age, town, religion, politics, education, height, job and if I had children or would like more. Then I selected 5 adjectives I thought friends would use to describe me. I also was asked what I was passionate about, what I was most thankful for, my favorite movie, most recent book I’d read, favorite music, TV show and if I liked dogs or cats.
The questionnaire didn’t ask my favorite candy (expensive chocolate) or shoe size (dainty).
I finished the paperwork in less than five minutes, submitted my info and awaited a chance to meet the man of my dreams…and it didn’t take long…up popped pictures of about five men, all mid-60s to late 70s. One was holding flowers – I didn’t get it. (Actually, I thought it cheesy.)
Just my luck – the flower guy sent me a smiley face – called “sending a smile to someone you’d like to know better.” So did a guy in a cowboy hat who looked like a bank robber and another man dressed like he’d been in the state penitentiary and had just been released.
I sent no reciprocal smiley faces (code for like to get to know you).
Undaunted, “Flower Guy” sent a lengthy note the next day. In this email epistle, he advised me to retire, told a dumb joke and said he was a “great dancer.”
My question: how does someone give an absolute stranger lifestyle tips. I love my job and I enjoy working, so I erased his smiling face from my line-up. The last thing I want – or need – is some dude telling me what to do!
That afternoon, I received yet another smiley face, this time from a gentleman who presented himself (as he labeled the picture) “in my home gym.” He was sweatin’ like Elvis -- without the bedazzled jumpsuit or the scarves El threw to the ladies after wiping the moisture from his face.
Home gym or not, who’d use a picture like that for a first impression. Some women just won’t go for a shirtless guy, sweating like a pig.
Okay…by this time I’m thinking this online stuff is becoming more work than I signed up for…and not much fun.
One of my “matches” wanted his future wife to know he had “a ranch” and even sent a photo of a cabin sitting in the middle of some weeds – nope, not my type… nor was the guy who included 10 pictures of himself in various locales around the world. He asked for a woman who wouldn’t mind living in a motorhome! I declined.
Do these grown-ups realize rustic sheds in fields and homes on wheels aren’t every lady’s ‘Camelot?”
On night two, after getting a questionnaire about how well-developed my pillow-talk skills were, I decided to end my online dating experiment. It didn’t take a genius to figure out most of these senders of smiley faces were looking for “a quick hook-up” as the kids say today.
Checking with my lunch bunch the next Friday, I was shocked to learn three out of the five of us had tested the online dating process.
Donna, an attractive Phi Beta Kappa, widow with spunk and wit said she had tried one of the online sites about five years ago. “Most of the fellows I met wanted to go out for coffee as a first date,” she announced, “so when one invited me to dinner, I was so impressed, I said ‘yes.’
Turns out his idea of “out to dinner” was a drive-thru trip through Jack-in-the-box. Donna declined dinner, any future dates and discontinued her dating subscription.
I’d never NOT recommend online dating because it does offer some fairly unusual experiences, even if you never go on a date. So if your social life is on the wane, maybe signing up will brighten your prospects. Just be careful what you wish for!
Before subscribing to a dating site, try these six questions
Digital technology has slowly removed most of the need for face-to-face interactions in many aspects of our lives. Social media redefined friendship, email has eliminated the need to talk, YouTube redefined learning and now online dating sites are redesigning, well, dating.
But there’s one aspect that could be helpful in your actual dating life. Before the craziness of Tindr (for youngsters), Grindr (for guys only) and other swipe-as-you-go dating apps, there are services that actually care about personality, values and interests when it comes to a match.
You know those commercials that have that old guy talking about all the couples who got married through their online dating website? Those couples filled out a comprehensive questionnaire that gave them an idea of what they were getting into.
Some of the questions dating sites ask are helpful when you're thinking of beginning a long-term relationship. So, here is a sampling of online dating questions to ask:
1. If you had to name your greatest motivation in life, thus far, what would it be? Wealth? Knowledge? Creativity? This question lets you and your significant other see if you're on the same paths. I can't tell you the number of times I've seen a relationship falter because the two people were on different pages.
2. Do you often make jokes that offend more uptight people? If they say no, they're probably uptight.
3. Do you believe in the power of prayer? For obvious reasons.
4. Do you have a problem with racist jokes? For obvious reasons.
5. How frequently do you bathe or shower? Because hygiene is often an important issue.
6. Are you a morning person? I'm not saying morning people should only date morning people, but morning people should only date morning people.